I have yet to lose Grandma, but it sure as f*ck feels that way. The woman who taught me to cook, bake, drive and garden is no longer available to talk to or be around. That woman is dead.
Today, after tantrums and mini fights with both Mom and I, she bit me. Not hard but enough to piss me off. I managed to curb the verbal WTFs and all. But it just brought to home how far gone she is. For f*cking crying out loud, my kids were there and saw the whole thing! Now my 2 year old says "futten" (she has a problem doing the "k" sounds like Tweety Bird does, thank the Goddess) and all sorts of other colorful language. I try my hardest to watch what I say around the kids; my Mom is another matter all together. I can tell Selena is going to have temperment issues like Mom and I.
Unfortunately, this whole incident has made me choose not to take the kids down for visits with her anymore. I just can't take the risk of Selena picking up more "things" or them having to witness crap like today.
Gods, I feel like a Clydesdale kicked me to death....I just want to cry, but I can't. I feel empty, dry and cold inside. I need a bath....scalding hot and wickedly magical. I need to cleanse this all off.
